The art of 'story teling'

How why when did I fall for you Again?!!! Same game different person. You’re charming. You’re smile makes the stars blush. My heart melts every time, thoughts of you flood my middle passage. Sensitive yet strong. Your word play is staggered and fluid. Thoughtful with your lies. Careful to set the mood. Making sure that I’m positioned just right. Oh, you smell so good!! Blinded by the smog of your words my sensitivity is heightened. I latch on to you. Strong grip. Connected to your hip. The palm of your hand is where I feast. You spun circles around me. I got trapped in your web. I didn’t care. Easy prey. Vulnerable, gullible, and fuckable. Just like you like it. I enjoyed it all. But these garments were stained before we met so one more was a form of art. I didn’t even notice the difference from yours and the others. I’m a prey collector. No shame in my walk. There’s shame in my acceptance. My worth has been torn apart and scattered. Mediocrity dressed up in high self- esteem. Picture that. Well you don’t have to picture it, just look at me. If you look closely in my eyes, you’ll see shadows of inkblots of the imperfection of my soul. My words have a melancholy note that strings perfectly with every story told. Beauty is in the eyes of the beholder, yet these eyes have never had the opportunity to behold. Just monsters in costume---Halloween.

Fact Or Fiction.

Laying down at night use to excite me. New adventures waited for me under the sheets. An exhilarating feeling of hopefulness sprouted between these thighs. I was ready for what was to come next. But that all changed once complacency arrived. 

Where did the adventure go? 

Was it masking itself as something that it wasn’t just to play in the pond? 

Did it lose its sense of wanting, Its desire for exploration? 

Was it bored with me? 

Did you lie to me with the thrust from your hips and the passion that dripped you’re your lips after a long intense kiss? 

Were we in the land of make believe and once daylight hit all things reverted back to how they really appear? 

Are we just stuck in the glitch in the Matrix? 

What does freedom look like? Feel like? 

These questions are what runs through my head when brown skin on brown skin form triangular like shapes between the sheets, or is it squares?... Either way I’m bored. I want to feel the passion warming my skin. The energy that burns off of you should light a fire inside of me. Regulate my temperature with the beat of your heart. Turn me on with the fire of desire that lights up when your eyes look into mines. Let me know without a word or a touch that we are connected. Love me again. I’m beginning to believe that love may not exist, at least not in the way that it’s defined in literature or movies. Maybe instead of calling it love we should call it Understanding. 

Understanding: realizing that this shit won’t last this way forever and it’s all subject to change without advanced notice. YUP...understanding! Understanding that sometimes the perfect picture that’s graphed in our memory is an abstract form of art. From this moment on I have served my brain (heart) notice, love is void. It’s flawed. It’s complicated. It’s forever changing. It’s not what we thought it was. It’s understanding. Yeah, Love = understanding.

Depression???!

How do you get your brain to settle down? How do you reach that quiet space where you are one with you?...Meditation? Maybe. I'm not sure. What I do know is that I'm tired of trying to figure life out. So many answers but no solutions. 
Frustration is something that I constantly reject. Yet it keeps showing up day after day. I just want to be left alone. Seriously, I need frustration, depression, anxiety, and disappointment to exit immediately. I reject all of your calls and your mail is immediately sent to the spam folder a.k.a. trash. 
Am I troubled? 
No. 
I'm working through life challenges my way. 
I don't fit inside of the box that you shipped to me. 
Return to sender. 
I'm a fighter who have coward moments. 
Today I choose to face what's facing me. 
Today I choose to begin...Living.